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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:25 am 
Solaris Luna
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@AmiMizunosHusband: A little bit of a critique. You wrote "World Cracking" instead "World Shaking".

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 12:27 am 
Systema Solare
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Usagi-Fifth-Doctor wrote:
@AmiMizunosHusband: A little bit of a critique. You wrote "World Cracking" instead "World Shaking".


thank you i'll fix that now

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:51 am 
Luna
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That title might sound like something naughty. :mischief:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 6:48 am 
Stella Nova
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I liked this story and read it with pleasureit's sad that it's ending soon :blue:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:38 pm 
Systema Solare
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Onuzim Ima wrote:
That title might sound like something naughty. :mischief:


heh I just noticed what you mean :mischief:

litacan wrote:
I liked this story and read it with pleasureit's sad that it's ending soon :blue:


never said I wouldn't write another one :cool:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Sat Apr 01, 2017 5:25 am 
Systema Solare
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Act. 12: Timeline Restored?

Demande Jr. blushes as he looks at Mercury and says "I Must Return To The Future If I Stay Any Longer The Timeline Will Suffer More Than It Already Has" then he tries to stand up only for Mercury to put her hands on his shoulders and say "You Need To Rest Your Way Too Injured".

Demande Jr. grunts in pain then says "But I..." and Mercury says "No Buts Your Staying!" Then gently pushes him down onto his back and then accidently falls onto his chest Demande Jr. goes redder than a tomato and says "A-Ami-Chan!". Mercury stands up immediately also red in the face and says "S-Sorry".

Naru giggles and says "If You Want Alone Time I Can Leave", Mercury and Demande Jr. go even redder and wave there hands at Naru and say "No That's Fine!", Naru Giggles some more then remembering a promise she made quickly runs over to Sailor Moon and says "Hey Sailor Moon I Need To Ask You A Favor", Sailor Moon looks at her and says "Sure What Do You Need?", Naru says "A Fan Of Yours Named Anzu Asked Me To Get Her Your Autograph".

Smiling Sailor Moon says "I Can Do That" and Pulls out The Transformation Pen then rips off a bit of her skirt and writes her name on it then hands it to Naru and says "Here You Go", Naru takes the piece of cloth and says "Thanks Sailor Moon!". Sailor Moon smiled and walked over to Tuxedo Mask as Naru headed back towards Sailor Mercury.

As She Walks back she notices Pluto standing beside a tree looking at her she motions for her to come over to her which she does and when she gets there Pluto Smiles and says "Good Work The Future Is Safe Thanks You And The Other Guardians!".

Just then Nephrite walks up behind Naru and asks "Everything Ok?", Naru turns and hugs him as Pluto says "I Need You Both To Return With Me To The Gate of Time!", Naru holds Nephrites hand and nods. Pluto Waves her Staff and there all Teleported to the gates of time.

Pluto still smiling says "I Knew I Could Count On You!", Naru smiles, gives a thumbs up and says "Told You I'd Never Let You Down!" then de-transforms, Pluto holds out her hand "I Need The Transformation Pen Back!".

Confused Naru said "Why?", Pluto with sad look on her face says "In Order For Things To Truly Return To Normal I Must Take Back The Sedna Transformation Pen And Erase Everyone's Memories!". Naru gasped and looked at Nephrite and wrapped her arms around his mid-section as she says "Does That Mean I Must Forget About Nephrite?"

Act. 12 End.

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 4:35 am 
Systema Solare
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Act. 13: Nephrite's Big Decision!

Pluto smiles at Naru and shakes her head as she says "No I Just Have To Erase Your Memories Of Everything That's Happened, Your Memories Of Nephrite Will Remain!", Naru sighs with relief and says "Thank Goodness", Pluto grimaces and says "Unfortunately Nephrite Will Have To Return To The Afterlife!".

Naru wraps her arms around Nephrite and says "No I Don't Want To Lose You Again!" and starts crying, Pluto puts her hand on Naru's shoulder and says "There Is A Way He May Stay With You But It Requires A Small Sacrifice On His Part!". Nephrite raises his eyebrows and looks at Pluto and says "What Kind Of Sacrifice?".

Pluto smiles and says "You Must Give Up Your Powers And Live As A Normal Human Being!", Nephrite puts his hand on his chin as he thinks about it then he looks down at Naru and says "I Accept" then bends over and kisses Naru passionately. Pluto smiles and nods then waves her staff and a small machine appears behind Naru and Nephrite.

Pluto says "This Machine Has The Ability To Remove A Person's Powers Once You Use It There's No Turning Back!". Nephrite nods as he steps into the Machine, Pluto once again waves her staff causing the machine to turn on and Nephrite grunts as he falls to his knees. after five minutes Pluto puts her staff down at her side and the machine turns off as Nephrite walks out.

Naru runs over to Nephrite and hugs him as Pluto says "How Do You Feel?", Nephrite replies "A Little Weakened But Not Bad", Pluto nods and says "That's not Uncommon", Naru then says "What's Gonna Happen With Demande Jr.? Also Are Zoisite, Kunzite and Jadeite Back In The Afterlife?", Pluto holds up her hand and says "Demande Jr. Has Just Gone Back To The Future And Zoisite, Kunzite and Jadeite Are Back In the Afterlife".

Naru smiles and says "Good I Guess All That's Left Is To Give You My Transformation Pen! Oh And Could You Find A Girl Named Anzu And Give Her This" then pulls out the Pen and Piece Of Cloth and hands it over to Pluto who takes them and says "Of Course, I'm Gonna Miss You Sailor Sedna", Naru walks over and hugs Pluto "Me Too Pluto, Thank You For Everything" and cries into Pluto's chest, Pluto puts her hand on Naru's head and smiles as she says "I'll Never Forget You Sailor Sedna!" then pulls back and waves her staff erasing Naru and Nephrites memories then waves it again sending them back to just after she summoned her.

Pluto wipes a few tears out of her eyes and pulls out the Sedna Transformation Pen and says "I Have A Feeling We Haven't Seen The Last Of Sailor Sedna!". meanwhile back in Naru's time she looks around then at Nephrite and says "What Happened?", Nephrite shrugs and says "Not Sure, Lets Gets Some Food I'm Starving", Naru nods happily and says "How About A Chocolate Parfait?". Nephrite chuckles and says "Sure" and they walk off.

meanwhile back at Naru's house tucked away in her closet the Sedna Transformation Pen gleams....

Act. 13 End

Note: Thank You To All My Fans Who Read This Story All The Way To The End Love You All! =^_^=

Sailor Sedna Will Return In Sailor Moon: Armageddon!

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 5:22 am 
Stella Nova
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It actually ended :sadeyes: that's sad.

But the ending was nicely written.

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 6:31 am 
Systema Solare
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litacan wrote:
It actually ended :sadeyes: that's sad.

But the ending was nicely written.


thank you my dear i expect to start my new story soon enough

EDIT: after thinking about it I'm gonna add a special one off chapter and reveal what happened when Demande Jr. went back to the future

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Tue Apr 04, 2017 8:46 pm 
Systema Solare
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Special Act.: A Look Into The Future!

As Demande Jr. arrives in Crystal Tokyo he looks around and says to himself "I Got To Find Ami-Chan!" and runs off, on his way into town he runs into Makoto who waves at him and says "Why The Hurry Demande?", Demande Jr. returns the wave and says "Have You Seen Ami-Chan, Mako-Chan?" Makoto smiles and says "She Went To The Palace To Visit Serenity".

Demande Jr. smiles and says "Thanks Mako-Chan!" then bows and runs off towards the palace, meanwhile at the palace Ami is sitting out on the palace balcony with Serenity happily drinking Tea, Ami smiles and says "It's Beautiful Out Here", Serenity takes a sip of Tea then says "How's Everything Ami-Chan?".

Ami-Chan still smiling says "Very Good Although.." then pulls out the Mercury transformation pen and continues to say "I Kind Of Miss Fighting Evil". Serenity chuckles and says "Yeah It Has Been Kind Of Dull Lately Huh?". Just Then Demande Jr. walks onto the balcony and is gasping for air, Serenity smiles at him and says "Hi Demande!".

Ami blushes and looks at Demande Jr. and says "Is Something Wrong?", Demande Jr. blushes as he walks over and takes Ami's hand and says "Ami-Chan I Love You, I Love You More Than Life Itself!" then goes down to a knee, Ami then puts her hand on her mouth and starts crying as Demande Jr. says "Will You Marry Me?".

Serenity wipes tears from her eyes as Ami says "Yes I Will!", Demande Jr. waves his hand and a box appears in his hand which he opens revealing a gorgeous diamond ring with Ami X Demande 4Ever inscribed on it and slips it on Ami's finger then stands up and kisses her passionately.

Six Months Later Demande Jr. and Ami decide to have their wedding on a gorgeous hilltop and invited all their friends with Makoto serving as Ami's Maid of Honor and King Endymion served as Demande Jr's best man.

The Priest says "Do You Ami Mizuno Take This Man To Be Your Lawfully Wedded Husband In Sickness And In Health Til Death Do You Part?", Ami smiling happily says "I Do!", The Priest then says "And Do You Demande Jr. Take This Woman To Be Your Lawfully Wedded Wife In Sickness And In Health Til Death Do You Part?".

Demande Jr. Smiles and says "I Do" then mouths "I Love You" to Ami which she then mouths back "I Love You Too!", Then The Priest says "I Now Pronounce You Husband and Wife You May Kiss The Bride", Demande Jr. passionately kisses Ami then Ami turns and tosses the bouquet which is caught by Rei who goes red in the face and cheers.

several years pass and Ami and Demande Jr. have a 1 year old son named Saphir and another child on the way, having finished her schooling Ami is now a full fledged Doctor and Demande Jr. turned his interests to Story writing and became very successful.

Special Act. End

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 12:36 am 
Galaxias
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Eh, why not? I could do something...


Special Act 2: Encounter with The Unknown.




Sometime before the finale, in the dead of night... I'd like to think Naru actually thought ahead. Seeing as how this quest could take a few days, Naru needed a place to stay... The first place she thought of? Was with her past self. Who, quite frankly took the whole thing in stride, not even being the least bit surprised.

Naru awoke with a start, hearing a loud crash, most likely involving a vehicle. "w-what was that?!" She exclaimed. It sounded horrid.

Without a word, she grabbed the Sailor Sedna transformation pen and transformed, and ran outside.

"Is everyone o-" She only saw one car. What it crashed into? A stranger's hand. He seemed completely unphased by the fact a car just crashed into him.

Image

"You finally got your wish, huh? Naru?" Naru turned towards the stranger, "H-how do you know my name?!" The stranger merely replied, "Because I know you, Naru Osaka, you're the friend of Usagi Tsukino. Still, to think you of all people would attain the power of a Senshi... Rather fascinating." He leaned against the wreckage as Naru pulled the driver out, unconscious, but alive. "It really is. You think you know how everything will go, you've seen the same basic story unfold loads of times, with only the occassional twist or turn... But all those twists and turns end up making a big difference. There are many versions, variations of the world you call home. Most of them, you never attain the power you hold now."

Naru asked, "W-what do you mean?" The stranger replied, "Well, I've come from an entirely different timeline." Naru exclaimed, "Shouldn't Sailor Pluto stop you from doing that?! There's no way she'd just let you travel through time and space at your leisure!" The stranger chuckled, before outright laughing. "Are you joking? She's powerless to stop me! Wanna know why?" Naru braced herself. The stranger took off their black coat. "Because... She's just a Sailor Senshi... And as for Neo Queen Serenity, in case you were even THINKING of bringing her up. I ask you... What's a queen..."



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"TO A GOD?!"


Naru took one look at the stranger's eyes. They were glowing red, as if an inferno raged within them. "By all means, give it your all, it'll be more fun that way!" With almost no warning, he closed the distance and delivered a straight punch to her. Naru wasted no time in her counterattack, a sliding kick, which the stranger leaped out of the way of. "BEAUTIFUL JUSTICE BEAM ATTACK!" Naru shouted, aiming at him. Though he was shot out of the air, he seemed to get right back up... And he was smiling. "Huh... If anything, I expected this to already be over... You actually got a shot in. Unfortunately, all you accomplished in the long run was make me stronger." he emphasized this with a vicious right hook to Naru's right hip. "S-stronger?! How?!" The stranger leaped up onto a rooftop, looking down at Naru. "i suppose I should tell you more about myself... My name is Mayu. I'm the Prince of the planet Yulay, and the son of the Goddess Benzaiten." Naru got up, almost immediately pointing out the obvious. "But... You're a woman."

Mayu stood there, totally silent for a moment. "Oh..." He looked down at his chest. "Ohhhhhhhhh..." He smirked, running a hand through his hair before performing a hair flip. "As Yulayan Royalty, it is my sacred duty to make sure I can be there for my people. Even though I nearly perished, as you can tell, I'm perfectly fine now. In fact, I'd argue I'm better than ever in this body..." Another Beautiful Justice Beam Attack headed towards him. But this time, he deflected it with a backhand... Right into a neighbor's window, causing it to shatter. Though it didn't sound like anyone got hurt, whoever they were, their night was ruined. And as awesome as that track is, you can stop it now.

Mayu and Naru exchanged glances. "Maybe you should head inside..." He said to her, creating a swirling vortex of darkness behind that he backed into. Before Naru could think of giving chance, it vanished.

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 12:49 am 
Systema Solare
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Princess Venus wrote:
Eh, why not? I could do something...


Special Act 2: Encounter with The Unknown.




Sometime before the finale, in the dead of night... I'd like to think Naru actually thought ahead. Seeing as how this quest could take a few days, Naru needed a place to stay... The first place she thought of? Was with her past self. Who, quite frankly took the whole thing in stride, not even being the least bit surprised.

Naru awoke with a start, hearing a loud crash, most likely involving a vehicle. "w-what was that?!" She exclaimed. It sounded horrid.

Without a word, she grabbed the Sailor Sedna transformation pen and transformed, and ran outside.

"Is everyone o-" She only saw one car. What it crashed into? A stranger's hand. He seemed completely unphased by the fact a car just crashed into him.

Image

"You finally got your wish, huh? Naru?" Naru turned towards the stranger, "H-how do you know my name?!" The stranger merely replied, "Because I know you, Naru Osaka, you're the friend of Usagi Tsukino. Still, to think you of all people would attain the power of a Senshi... Rather fascinating." He leaned against the wreckage as Naru pulled the driver out, unconscious, but alive. "It really is. You think you know how everything will go, you've seen the same basic story unfold loads of times, with only the occassional twist or turn... But all those twists and turns end up making a big difference. There are many versions, variations of the world you call home. Most of them, you never attain the power you hold now."

Naru asked, "W-what do you mean?" The stranger replied, "Well, I've come from an entirely different timeline." Naru exclaimed, "Shouldn't Sailor Pluto stop you from doing that?! There's no way she'd just let you travel through time and space at your leisure!" The stranger chuckled, before outright laughing. "Are you joking? She's powerless to stop me! Wanna know why?" Naru braced herself. The stranger took off their black coat. "Because... She's just a Sailor Senshi... And as for Neo Queen Serenity, in case you were even THINKING of bringing her up. I ask you... What's a queen..."



Attachment:
image.jpeg


"TO A GOD?!"


Naru took one look at the stranger's eyes. They were glowing red, as if an inferno raged within them. "By all means, give it your all, it'll be more fun that way!" With almost no warning, he closed the distance and delivered a straight punch to her. Naru wasted no time in her counterattack, a sliding kick, which the stranger leaped out of the way of. "BEAUTIFUL JUSTICE BEAM ATTACK!" Naru shouted, aiming at him. Though he was shot out of the air, he seemed to get right back up... And he was smiling. "Huh... If anything, I expected this to already be over... You actually got a shot in. Unfortunately, all you accomplished in the long run was make me stronger." he emphasized this with a vicious right hook to Naru's right hip. "S-stronger?! How?!" The stranger leaped up onto a rooftop, looking down at Naru. "i suppose I should tell you more about myself... My name is Mayu. I'm the Prince of the planet Yulay, and the son of the Goddess Benzaiten." Naru got up, almost immediately pointing out the obvious. "But... You're a woman."

Mayu stood there, totally silent for a moment. "Oh..." He looked down at his chest. "Ohhhhhhhhh..." He smirked, running a hand through his hair before performing a hair flip. "As Yulayan Royalty, it is my sacred duty to make sure I can be there for my people. Even though I nearly perished, as you can tell, I'm perfectly fine now. In fact, I'd argue I'm better than ever in this body..." Another Beautiful Justice Beam Attack headed towards him. But this time, he deflected it with a backhand... Right into a neighbor's window, causing it to shatter. Though it didn't sound like anyone got hurt, whoever they were, their night was ruined. And as awesome as that track is, you can stop it now.

Mayu and Naru exchanged glances. "Maybe you should head inside..." He said to her, creating a swirling vortex of darkness behind that he backed into. Before Naru could think of giving chance, it vanished.


^^^ although not what I had in mind for Armageddon I really like this story its really good I got to ask though when did Naru get her memories back?

EDIT: nvm I just re-read the story XD

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 2:12 am 
Galaxias
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Yeah, it takes place before your finale.

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 9:13 am 
Stella Nova
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A colaboration fanfic would be great then :D

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 7:16 pm 
Systema Solare
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litacan wrote:
A colaboration fanfic would be great then :D


truth be told I never even thought about doing a collaboration with PV but it might be fun :P :cool:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 8:01 pm 
Luna
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I liked this fic :keke:
Though I think certain things could be foreshadowed so they don't feel like they came out of nowhere, like the Four Kings being resurrected/brainwashed. I think switching between Ami/Naru's viewpoint every chapter would be fun in a sequel, since they seem to be the main characters. But the story was pleasing and I'm glad that Ami and Dimando Jr got a happy ending.


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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Apr 05, 2017 8:07 pm 
Systema Solare
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SILVER wrote:
I liked this fic :keke:
Though I think certain things could be foreshadowed so they don't feel like they came out of nowhere, like the Four Kings being resurrected/brainwashed. I think switching between Ami/Naru's viewpoint every chapter would be fun in a sequel, since they seem to be the main characters. But the story was pleasing and I'm glad that Ami and Dimando Jr got a happy ending.


duly noted I'll do that the Sequel will be very fun for me to write lets just say I still have some tricks up my sleeve the next Main villain is neither brainwashed or being controlled by an evil force she's just plain evil :evillaugh:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 12:40 pm 
Galaxias
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AmiMizunosHusband wrote:
SILVER wrote:
I liked this fic :keke:
Though I think certain things could be foreshadowed so they don't feel like they came out of nowhere, like the Four Kings being resurrected/brainwashed. I think switching between Ami/Naru's viewpoint every chapter would be fun in a sequel, since they seem to be the main characters. But the story was pleasing and I'm glad that Ami and Dimando Jr got a happy ending.


duly noted I'll do that the Sequel will be very fun for me to write lets just say I still have some tricks up my sleeve the next Main villain is neither brainwashed or being controlled by an evil force she's just plain evil :evillaugh:


So... Sailor Gemini?

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Thu Apr 06, 2017 6:16 pm 
Systema Solare
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Princess Venus wrote:
So... Sailor Gemini?


I had a different name in mind but I do like that one either way the character is gonna be awesome only think I need to decide on is if I want to put my sequel in a new thread

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 3:33 am 
Galaxias
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AmiMizunosHusband wrote:
Princess Venus wrote:
So... Sailor Gemini?


I had a different name in mind but I do like that one either way the character is gonna be awesome only think I need to decide on is if I want to put my sequel in a new thread


I actually have a very difficult time pinning down Gemini's exact inspiration. I want to say she draws a bit of inspiration from Handsome Jack from Borderlands or Frieza (with hints of TeamFourStar's portrayal) with her personality.

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Fri Apr 07, 2017 4:21 am 
Systema Solare
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Princess Venus wrote:
AmiMizunosHusband wrote:
Princess Venus wrote:
So... Sailor Gemini?


I had a different name in mind but I do like that one either way the character is gonna be awesome only think I need to decide on is if I want to put my sequel in a new thread


I actually have a very difficult time pinning down Gemini's exact inspiration. I want to say she draws a bit of inspiration from Handsome Jack from Borderlands or Frieza (with hints of TeamFourStar's portrayal) with her personality.


actually my Villain on Armageddon is actually inspired by a certain Member here on the forums and no its not Kero :lol:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:45 am 
Stella
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I really liked this fanfiction I think you did a bang up job AmiMizunosHusband.

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Fri Apr 14, 2017 5:53 am 
Systema Solare
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MariaTenebre wrote:
I really liked this fanfiction I think you did a bang up job AmiMizunosHusband.


thank you very much story writing is a passion of mine :happy:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 4:57 pm 
Aurorae Lunares
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I Finally had time to finish reading your fanfic and it was pretty good! It was really fun to read and it had some unexpected situations. Good work i loved it :thumbsup:
I'll read Armageddon too, but I'll wait until you finish it. :ninja:

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 Post subject: Re: [fan fiction] Sailor Moon Dark of The Moon
PostPosted: Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:01 pm 
Systema Solare
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Sailor DooM wrote:
I Finally had time to finish reading your fanfic and it was pretty good! It was really fun to read and it had some unexpected situations. Good work i loved it :thumbsup:
I'll read Armageddon too, but I'll wait until you finish it. :ninja:


thanks alot Doom i appreciate it :happy:

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